Most people look for themselves as the cause of their dissatisfaction or frustration. After all, life would not be almost perfect if significant people in our lives would simply do things like we want them to do or do what we think is best for them? Indeed, this is a kind of thought that keeps misery!
I agree that most of today's unhappiness relies on important people in our lives who do not work with us. Can anyone refer to it? Have you ever had a child who takes a decision that puts them at a serious risk? Have you ever had a significant other decision to make or decide on a job that you did not agree with? Did one of your parents ever say something criticous for you who rolled your confidence? Have you ever got a supervisor who has a lot of work with you and never brave for your good results? I think you have the idea. Someone or combination of these things can be a source of unhappiness for us and I'm sure you can add some more to the list.
While in such cases, it certainly feels like others in our lives would just work together and be the way we want them to be, and then our life would be so much better, happier and more adequate. Although this could actually be true, what I believe too is this. While we are busy by trying to catch these significant others in our lives to make our things happen, the behavior we usually move toward others is the same as those that harm and greatly destroy our communication .
You know the behavior I'm talking about: punishment, guilting, complaint, abundance, oppression, criticism, "silent treatment" and if we are particularly knowledgeable, rewarding to control, otherwise known as a bribe.
If you are one of the first choice to negotiate and open the door, you are rarely. Ask yourself what you usually do when a negotiation fails?
I know that one of my finer behaviors is abundant. I'm world class nest — ask my kids. You know the drill. "How about cleaning your room today?" Thirty minutes later, after the child is still in front of his computer game, "Are you going to get to this room today?" Perhaps two hours later, some deserts are loud, "what about that room?" Then, as the last frustration, it will "get you lazy a * # and clean your blankety blank blank room !!!!" Ever been there? Work it to clean the room? In my case, it usually did not.
However, some parents told me that repetitive nausea works, but my next question actually answers a different — at what cost? What was the cost of getting these rooms cleared? First, the cost of losing control and being a person you probably do not want to be and secondly, there was a certain cost to the relationship between you and your child. Do you believe that after exchanging, like the one, will your two be willing and willing to have a significant discussion about life or anything else you might want to talk about? Certainly not.
What I'm going to say is probably against what you've believed in the good majority of your life and it's for you and you alone to be responsible for your own happiness. If you are waiting for someone to do something different or that a particular thing appears in your life so that you can be happy, you work outside from somewhere instead of inside.
I'm not here to tell you to stop what you're doing now. If you want to keep believing that when your husband becomes affectionate, your children are obedient, your wife supports more, your boss grateful or you get your education, pay your credit card, buy your first home, etc. In order for you to be happy, then go. But for those of us who want to exercise within our minds, we do not like to give others the power to control our happiness or any of our other feelings or feelings. We know we are responsible for ourselves and nobody else.
What I can help you is learning how to be the one you want to be, find the feelings you want to feel by changing what you do and how you think about things. It's a quote I want to leave you from Jimmy Dean. "You can not change the direction of the wind, but you can change your sails." This is typical of true inner thinking. People and events are becoming what they are around us. There is very little we can do to influence the behavior of others and unmanageable events in our lives, but there is always something we can do to manage these things better.
If you'd like to discuss this further, visit http://www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz and check our calendar for upcoming telecommunications, chat and workshops. Until then, begin to recognize the circumstances of your life, giving you authority to others as you feel. Awareness is the first step.