I am sometimes so busy with other people's problems that I neglect the problems my family is trying from time to time. I think it's a questioning territory where the doctor is sick, the motor car is broken and the plumbing leaks. A long time ago my son came to the kitchen with such an unhappy face that I only get from my depressed customers. The coach is more than my father kicked in and I had to ask: are you happy with what you are my boy? As expected from the age of twelve, he did not get the question and thought I was referring to his rights at home. At that age, happiness means getting everything your heart desires, and its response clearly showed his age.
For some reason, some people never pass this age when it comes to happiness. If your happiness level is related to what you have, then you haven't gone beyond twelve. How much happiness has spread around the world has not changed over the past 200 years and most of what we estimate in our time did not reach 75% of that time. Think 100 years ago; There were no computers, microwave, internet, cell phones and most things we have today. Most didn't own their own cars, houses with electricity or some basic services we know today, and yet they were just as happy – maybe even happier as we are. That is why everything we value in our day does not congratulate you. The question is – what makes you happy if this isn't it?
Positive psychology, a new wave of humanities, asks the same question, and some interesting answers came up. Martin Seligman, one of the fathers of positive psychology, finds happiness in a fun life, good life, and meaning of life. In these three, he combines two older and opposing views; unique perspectives that focus on the self and the altruistic perspective that focuses on society. This fun life is achieved if you enjoy friendship, nature and physical needs. Good life is achieved if you discover your unique strengths and use them creatively to increase your life. The third and perfect form of happiness stems from what is important and that is when you use your unique abilities to make your neighbor happy.
If you use the above in our gay community, it means that life in the closet, where you meet no one else, will never reach a perfect level of happiness. In fact, you wouldn't even reach the second stage. Fiction, even a closed gay life that only works at midnight recording sites, can only serve physical needs and thus enjoy fun. A good life where you celebrate your strength as a gay person can only happen if you are out and proud. However, the perfect form of happiness can only be achieved if you use your strengths and abilities as a gay to serve the gay community and ultimately the gay / direct community at large.
The strength of positive psychology lies in the fact that it moves about spiritual health to happy life. Psychology has always tried to cure psychological problems; it focused on interference. Positive psychology focuses on health and not on illness. It teaches how to achieve true happiness and not just how to be OK. Many gay people are stuck in how to fight for our rights, how to fight homophobia, how to get rid of the disease. Positive psychology shows us the way beyond the conflict with genuine gay happiness.
In short – stop fighting for your unique rights, use your energy to find your unique abilities and start using them to build our community. I think we are not yet and maybe this is one of the reasons why many gay people are depressed and unhappy.