I have gained power, total and complete control over my life, even when something is there that blind you when you expect at least. The thing is, I didn't ask, look for or want this new power. I thought I was fine. I was married 20 years old with three beautiful boys (okay, they wouldn't appreciate that description, but they are beautiful men.)
I had been published in women's fiction, my longevity dreams and then! life or what struck me in the face. I was forced into a lifestyle change because of her husbands and the consequences of death. I had always considered myself an independent, independent representative, but suddenly I was Numero Uno and many days I didn't know which end was up. Everything fell to me, whether it was calculating where the money was coming from for the next car payment, or it was a teenage program for the kids. I felt cruel, necessary, secretive about my sometimes depressed feelings, but I was the one who made the decisions and I took the bull with the horns and charged in advance. I was scared often and it was just the tip of the iceberg.
However, I went slowly, over four plus years, to discover the one I was going to be. The one who had always been inside me but even though I had not experienced my exact life experience, I have never met this man completely face-to-face. My life changed, I grew, my search for knowledge was deep thirst and sometimes I didn't even have an idea of what I was looking for. Many times I felt clueless about what life seemed to be dishing out to me.
Now, by understanding, I understand so much more about what happened in my life. My mistakes made me aware that I was making a difference. My trauma when my boys were big and a little problem made me re-evaluate how I endured stressful situations. There were many days I didn't know I could see another crisis.
I handled everything, lived through it and I came out whole on the other side. A little singing and a little wobbly, but oh, how much I've learned. I rejoice in the woman I am today. I will be something different next month and next year, but now I feel completely and almost perfect as I move on to the next phase of my power. What can we ask for more?