One of the things I often met with my clients is the following:
Sasha is for a long time, over and over again, contact Fabio. When Sasha takes care of herself, the relationship goes well, but as she makes Fabio responsible for her feelings, Fabio resists and their relationship goes uneasy.
Sasha comes from parents who were convicted of her and not emotionally interested in her. She tends to treat herself in the same way as her parents treated her – judging herself and leaving her feelings. She expects Fabio to treat her as she wished her parents could treat her and become angry and teach him when he didn't. He goes away from his anger and teachings and breaks them up with him and hopes to find a man who will treat her better. After a few weeks or a few months, they come back together and the cycle starts all over.
The case for Sasha is that she has to take a loving responsibility to make herself happy because she is focused on punishing her parents for being bad parents. She is afraid that if she is happy, they will think they are good parents. They will think they have worked, and she cannot stand this thought. She would rather be miserable but have seen her happily and think they have worked. She hires her parents at Fabio and also punishes him for her misery. As with her parents, she doesn't want Fabio to think he's a good companion.
Because she abandons herself to punish her parents and Fabio, she constantly feels empty and miserable and convinces herself of her parents and Fabio. She then gets angry at Fabio for not loving her, and he resists being controlled by her. They have repeated this system for many years.
To love is more important than either or not, but her parents want or think they are good parents, she will continue to be miserable.
The same thing works at William. William cares carefully about himself as his father treated him – judging himself so hard that he often feels like leaving the earth. As soon as he begins to feel happily inside, he immediately enters the intestinal resistance and does everything he can to make himself miserable. He can't stand the thought that his father would think he was a good father. Like Sasha, he would rather be miserable but risk his father would notice him for his happiness.
If you find yourself often feel happy, sign in to make sure you are taking responsibility for making yourself happy to punish your parents or someone else. If you constantly find yourself abandoning yourself, or turning to various drugs or making someone else responsible for your feelings, be honest with yourself. Are you suffering from punishing your parents or someone else?
I've discovered over the years in my work that this is a very common issue, as strange as it may sound. People can live their entire lives – even after their parents die – against happiness to punish their parents, siblings, caregivers, or their spouses. The majority of them do not realize they are doing this. They could have made this unconscious decision when they were young. They may have told them something like, "I will never be happy (or effective or healthy or smooth, etc.). I will show my mother or father or siblings that they cannot control me. They continue this unloving task in their adult life and wonder why they are never happy or effective or healthy or smooth.
Is this you? If so, be aware that you can change your mind whenever you want. You can decide that it is more important to be happy but to control whether your parents think they are good parents or whether they think they work or manage you.